motherhood

I have been a housewife and mother for 16 months now. The transition from being a woman of the workforce to a maker of the home has been very much an adjustment. I have found it most challenging to answer 'How does one balance work and play, leisure and productivity, and how are the lines between extremes defined?'

When Abe was born and I found that I was not finding as much external reward as I craved, thrived on hitherto his arrival. The birth was a train wreck. Breastfeeding was a train wreck. Sleep became my purpose, my goal, the thing I was going to do and be good at. He was a total champ until I found out that kids really should be 2 hour nappers. "WHAT?" I thought. Impossible. Abe didn't nap well AT ALL, according to the books. By two months he was sleeping for approximately seven hour stretches at night, but naps were a different story. It's just now, 16 months into this, that I have a handle on his sleep schedule. He's taking one nap sometime in the afternoon, between 11 and 1. And he sleeps for between 1 1/2 and 2 hours.

Part of what I bought into was that I wanted/needed to be productive, to have specific times during the day when I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that I would get "something" done. If he's not asleep, he is my constant distraction. I don't drop off my sweet Constant Distraction at daycare, so I can get things done. So where is my reward? I want my reward.

He is my reward. My home, my safe haven, my family is my reward. Call me crazy, but it's more reward than anything else will ever offer. I have things I want to learn. I want to learn how to bake artisan bread and have a simple garden and how to use my plot of God's green earth to make my family physically healthier. But with my Constant Distraction? Not so easy.

To give an idea of why I say these endeavors might be tough to fish out right now, let me outline my day:

I wake at 5:45, Bible study & shower by 6:20 when the babe usually wakes, get Mark to school by 7, home by 7:15, feed myself and the babe, prayers done by 9. Then we have this window. Until 11:30, Abe is fine. (I am liking the idea of a 1 pm naptime more and more, but he can get super-cranky or just fall asleep before then, and I'll put him down accordingly.) Let's say he sleeps til 2. Then we have another 1 1/2 hour window where time is ours. Pick Mark up at 3:30, sometimes 4 or 4:30 (really, everyday varies). Once Mark is home, the day is no longer mine. Meals (preparation and serving), family time and bedtime routines take up the rest of our evening.

So I have a whopping 2.5 hours in the AM and 1.5 hours in the PM to do "something." If you've never had a toddler, I beg you to picture what your best and worst images are of a toddler and imagine trying to use those hours to do "something." Remeber, keep those images, that constant distraction, at the FOREFRONT of your mind. I feel like my hands are tied most days. I can go shopping. I can clean my kitchen (not all moms can claim that they are able to do even that). I can watch a movie. I can even rake the yard. But my eyes can never be off of him. What can I do that is really productive?

Having said all that, I am okay with my hands being tied. HALLELUJAH!!! I have a baby. We have a family. I am Mother. Rock on, right?

I want to move on to the bigger issue. Why is Motherhood held is such disdain? Why are mothers who want to really raise their children constantly FIGHTING? I don't care if you are fighting (literally or figuratively) your husband, your peers, your mentors, your pocketbook or your conscious. I feel like I have to fight for my right to be here, to do what this family needs. Call me crazy, but I don't think strength in families comes from money, whether you "have to" work for it or not, and that is all my staying in the workforce would have done -- brought in a little bit more money. Most Americans (especially) believe that both mother and dad have to work. And I don't buy it.

I am going to venture a little and say that when mothers are taken out of the home, there is a breakdown in family; family, the bedrock of society, is broken. The breakdown of the family is a topic that really scares me because I think it happens under our noses. If the issue of Motherhood being held in disdain is a byproduct of that breakdown, I want to fight it. I consider it my personal obligation to strengthen my family, to make society stronger.

I will ever be on a quest to figure out how to spend those concrete-4 hours in my day. And how to be productive during nap times. But I will do it here, at home, where my strength is useful and has long-term, grand effect.

ants

I am trying really hard to live as simply and naturally as we possibly can. We are still switching to white vinegar and washing soda for all our cleaning (from conventional cleaners). But we now have an ant problem. It's so tempting to just call Rid-A-Pest or go to Lowe's and buy some Terro. But I am going to try to stick to my guns. It's getting pretty ridiculous. Today we killed about 5 that were just crawling on the couch. Mind you, ants really are pretty harmless. I am sure they carry germs, but it's not like we're dealing with ROACHES. Or SPIDERS. Or CENTIPEDES. Like we have in the past. These are just your garden variety black ants, no biting.

It's really encouraging what you can find my simply doing searches for "natural remedy ..." and enter whatever you're struggling with. From fevers to pests, I've found lots of really fun and simple cures to typical issues, like ants.

You won't be able to guess what one of the first suggestions is to get rid of ants! (drum roll, please!) ...VINEGAR. I love it. That stuff is amazing. When I read that, I recalled that last week when I noticed the ants coming in (through our windows, which are original to our 1961 home), I sprayed with vinegar, but haven't seen them since. That stuff is amazing.

There are quite a few other suggestions for "natural" remedies, but a lot of it, I don't want the babe getting into -- Borax, cayenne pepper. Most of the entryways of the the little buggers are likely along our windows and doorways. The other thing that I read that sounds pretty doable for us is cloves. So I'll spray the (nontoxic!) vinegar and spread some whole cloves around.

We'll see how this goes.

croutons

When Abe was born, I started making my own bread because 'I could.' I had the time (it takes about 3 hours all together) and store-bought bread really isn't nutritious at all. Well, a year in to consistent homemade bread, I am hooked. We occasionally have to have store-bought bread (church pot-lucks or when we visit friends or family), but I am always super-motivated to come home and bake a couple of my own loaves afterward.

I've found that I really do prefer "better" flour. I can use the flour they generally sell at WalMart or your neighborhood grocer, but the more expensive the flour, the better the flavor. (Go figure, right!)

The newest thing is using the bumps/end crusts to make croutons. If you acccidentally cut a piece of bread short, toss it in the "crouton" bag and cut it up when you're ready for a new batch. It's really simple, and you can do it with whatever ends you have, even if they are store-bought [BLASPHEMY!]. Four ends, two to three tablespoons of melted butter, and your spice of choice (or as many spices as you prefer). So for salads (unless it's a sweet salad), I'll do garlic. For sweet salads AND snacks for Abe, I'll do cinnamon, nutmeg, and honey.

Yay! for new discoveries, simplicity and recycling!

snuggles

Motherhood is amazing, I will just say that. Tonight Mark had a tutoring client he had to meet up with, so Abe and I did his bedtime routine alone. It's a lot more work when you're doing it alone. For all you single moms or army moms or moms with second or third shift dads, kudos to you, seriously.

It went smoothly. We've done it often enough that we've got the hang of it -- checked for poopy diapers waiting to be rinsed and rung, put all the toys away, cleared out the crib, made sure the towel was in the bathroom (and not on the drying rack) before he got into the bathtub, got the PJs, diaper, and sleep sack ready. You know, routine.

Mark usually reads him to sleep -- Dr. Seuss, nursery rhymes, a Bible story, then some huge work -- Lord of the Rings, Chronicles of Narnia, Shakespeare...whatever he is in the mood for. As soon as mark opens the 'huge work' Abe is usually out. But with me it's different. He doesn't calm down quite the same. That is what happens when you break someone's routine. Tonight he just wasn't into my story-reading. So I turned the side light off and he nuzzled into the crook of my neck. That is how he fell asleep. It doesn't happen often anymore, his sleep is his and ours is ours. But, let me tell you, when it does happen, it makes me cry! it feels so good.

The glare of the kitchen light tonight, reminded me of the many many nights we kept our closet light on and the door cracked for when he woke up. And he did so inevitably for the first two months and then from four to eight months at least once a night. And each time he woke, he went back to sleep in the crook of my neck. Eight months...it's been almost double that that he hasn't needed me at night -- he'll be sixteen months a week from tomorrow. Bittersweet. I love my sleep, but I also love my baby boy.

dance?

This morning Abe I went to a prenatal dance class. It was conducted by my midwife, Jennifer Creel. It wasn't intense, but it definitely got my heart rate up. The class was simple, just small dance moves, very cardio. There was one other mom with a 6 month old baby boy. I loved it.

We stayed for over an hour just talking. She is great to process with. We talked about everything -- my life, pregnancy, her life and new endeavors. She swam 2.6 miles on open water in 1:15 and placed 4th. Amazing. We also talked simple yoga, walking, and must-dos to avoid another posterior, brow-presentation baby. It's all about strengthening the inner muscles. 100 keagles and 200 pelvic crunches. Insane. But doable and if it pays off, totally worth it. She wore her Vive Vide VBAC (or however the saying starts...) in honor of my presence. So awesome. I just love her.

Every Monday at Bak Stage Dance Studio, Mission & Crossover in Fayetteville. $12/class or 12 classes for $80. Nice.