new bginnings

Ike is here. He's perfect, hilarious. This kid licks like no other. Don't give him kisses unless you want slobber on your face. He's so fab-o.

When Abe was 4 weeks I started to get really emotionally drained due to lack of sleep. I promised myself that this time I would not freak out like I did with Abe. Well, we're 6 weeks in and the short nights of sleep are starting to wear. DO NOT get me wrong, I am terribly thankful for him sleeping 7-9 hour stretches, usually starting at 7 pm-ish. But the getting up at 2:30 and staying up til 4 getting him back down is rough. Mark gets up for a run at 5, so I am barely back to sleep myself before my sleep is disturbed again. Coffee is good, but surely I'll end up with an ulcer at this rate.

I need to vent a little bit, so I stick with my plan not to freak out. (When I say "freak out," I mean that I don't want to tinker with Ike's sleep so he sleeps longer at night. I really want nature to do its thing.) Isaiah is 6 weeks and we are still getting to know each other. Right? More time, we just need more time. Good news: we have time, we have the rest of his life. The thing I was most afraid of when he was born that I was taking these moments for granted. So while we have the rest of his life, now is just now and it will pass too quickly. Breathe, Amanda, breathe!

party

When Abe was on his way, we planned 4 different showers. Different groups of friends who really don't know each other wanted to throw showers -- my mom, my good friends, my coworkers and Mark's coworkers. I have one friend who was invited to three, talk about a burden. She would never say so, and she just so happens to be in just about all the same circles as me, but still...

So I don't know exactly how to feel about another good friend wanting to throw something for Ike. Not only am I am having another little boy, but what do I really need? I should just feel grateful. Period. So friends out there who've been to Sandor showers in the past, please don't feel obligated to *buy* us anything, your friendship is all that we need! For that I am certainly unconditionally grateful.

Now, I have heard it said that a second baby shower could be used as an opportunity to have a diaper shower. Okay, now I can rock that. Our cloth diaper supply could use some buffing up. While it's been amazing to save so much money, and there is so much peace of mind knowing I am not filling a landfill, cloth wears out. I have very sturdy wraps, but my prefolds (the cotton you place inside the wrap) are wearing out. I am having to do a load of diaps every other day to keep up just with Abe. And it'd be really nice to have a few more newborn-size wraps and to work on solving night-diapering. For night-diapering, I'd love to try some wool. Abe and I may take a trip down to Terra Tots today and set up a registry.

At the end of the day, though, it's incredible how God provides. Be it cloth diapers or just the reassurance that I have friends who want to celebrate this new life with us. I think I can toast to that.

what do we really need?

Preparing for baby number two is a lot less pressing than number one. You don't have to educate yourself about the things you'll "need." There are some basics I know we want, like another crib. We could just improvise with the things we have here -- a pac-n-play, etc. But I definitely want another crib. I feel like a crib is the safest route given the boys' ages. We have a double stoller that a friend gave us. We have an infant car seat. What else do I need? Just some bedding and to beef up a bit of our diaper supply, I think. Clothes are pretty easy, though I am sure we'll need some stuff. Pacis? What else?

compost

Last year, when we first moved into our house, I had grandiose dreams of a beautiful vegetable garden that would be flourishing by springtime. Then I got to know my yard a bit better, and thought it prudent to give it at least a year -- let the Fall, Winter, Spring and following Summer teach me a little bit about the topography and where it might be best to plant.

In the mean time, I decided to start composting. I tried vermicomposting. I thought I could do it cheap. I was wrong. We had a mad crazy fly infestation. ...So I started a traditional compost heap. I could not for the life of me find anything to raise it up on, and I didn't have enough money to do one of the fancy schmancy barrels.

The yard (with it's 5 shade trees and the remnants of the horrible ice storm that his NWA in the winter of 2008), had tons and tons of twigs. By fall I had raked and moved all the leaves from the front yard to the compost heap. I figured with all that brown matter, we could just dump our food scraps (I've tried to stick to veggies only until I really get it working) on top, flip it from time to time, and we'd have ourselves a working compost pile. I was half right.

The leaves, when dry, are a HAVEN for ants. Thankfully, we only have harmless-to-humans black dudes. So the past few weeks, as I've taken our scraps out, I've found that there are SO MANY ants. And when I opened the shed the other day, roaches (I know, creep me out!) scurried. I got really worried. I talked to my midwife (who is a jack of all trades, ha), and she said to dump some dirt on top.

The dirt helped, but it definitely wasn't enough.

I've gotten so frustrated with the twigs. There are SO many, and if you'd step on the heap, you'd feel them crack underneath you. They're hard to rake and flip. Just annoying. But the ants and roaches motivated me to give them and the whole heap a good flip. This is where the good news comes in.

As I moved the compost, there was no "food" (with the exception of egg shells and onions), so it's definitely composting. The twigs actually make a BLACK (totally healthy) dirt. It is beautiful. And there were hundreds of worms, another great sign of a good compost pile. Some of the worms were longer than a foot and about 2 inches in diameter. Gorgeous!

Half of the heap is leaves, so I turned them, tried to get the dry leaves underneath the wet ones. And I formed a bit of a rectangle essentially with three walls -- two are primarily the twig matter and the other is where I pulled all the leaves to the center. So my plan now is to keep dumping scraps on top of the leaves and covering it up with twig and then more leaves. We'll see how it goes!

It will definitely be at least another year before I am comfortable trying a garden. I really want to plan it well and I don't want to have to put too much money into it. Some people spend thousands just to get a healthy start. My hope is that this compost really works well and can be a huge portion of the healthy dirt we need to get the start we want.

grains

I am no health guru. I love Chic Fil A. I love sweet tea. I love coffee. I will eat Wendys on demand. None of which are healthy eating habits. Especially during pregnancy when all of your sensitivities are heightened, it's so important to have good habits.

One thing that I read recently (within the last year anyway) is that one thing women (stay-at-home moms in particular) are deprived of are mentors that can help steer us, whether to stay on course or into new habits. Some people don't need a mentor. They see a good choice, they make that good choice and they have no problem not looking back, longing. Me and food are not that way. I recognize that there are healthier ways to live, I just have a slight longing for sweet tea and waffle fries. Call me crazy.

But, timely as it is, it's not really good for me, nor is it healthful for Ike's development. So seek some manifestation of a mentor do I. I stumbled upon a blog recently that is truly helpful -- Passionate Homemaking. My midwife mentioned weeks ago that spelt flour is better than wheat. Meh, "better" isn't fair. Variety in grains is KEY! which is something the author of PH discusses. She also has a few great recipes published there, one of which I hope to try tomorrow (and the next day...since she really encourages soaking your grains).

It's so fun to have a couple mentors and really being able to strike a balance with what I really think I can implement here and now.

second batch done!

I ran out of my homemade laundry detergent a month or so ago. I bought some 7th Generation thinking it would be fine. But it's pretty harsh stuff. Abe's diaper rash (that I wrote about in a previous post) didn't go away until this week. And I had to put him in disposibles for 3 days while ALL of his diapers got sun-bleached after 5 hot rinses. So a new batch of our gentle detergent has been long over due. And I did it today! Whoop! Now I smell like Fels Naptha. But I feel like a good momma!

big ultrasound

I really am opposed to ultrasound. Many people think it causes undue harm to the baby. I am pretty sure there are just as many who say it's harmless. That's not why I don't like them.

When I got called back, I had the ultrasound, which was really cool. Then I went to see the doctor. Because I "had the ultrasound," I kid you not, she did not touch me. How do you get to know your patient if you don't touch them? There is something very worthwhile to be said for palpating and checking true fundal height and checking heart tones with a fetoscope. I got to know Abe better with the help of my midwives. I am getting to know Ike via a machine. ...I don't know, there is something a little eerie about that.

Anyway, everything came back totally fine. He looks good, his estimated weight was 3.13 on Thursday. He will be a bigger baby, but not as big as Abe...as long as I eat right between now and the birth. We shall see! I don't have a low-lying placenta, which is great -- much less of a chance for too much blood loss during labor. The placenta is anterior, which means that I will never feel him right at the front of my belly; he'll always kick around the edges and whatnot. Things are great!

We started our prenatal classes with Jennifer (my former midwife) and Mariah (my monitrice/doula for this birth). They're fabulous. Extremely informative. Birth plans were on the agenda, but we talked about a lot of other things, too. Amazing food.

Everything is looking up for this birth. You know, it's incredible how much there is to learn and KNOW about our bodies. I am not sure I still truly KNOW myself, though creating another life is extremely eye-opening. Food for thought: we are very reactionary as a general cultural norm, instead of preventitive. There are million things I could do better this pregnancy that I simply didn't do (and ended up with a less than agreeable outcome) with Abe. We are still hoping for our beautiful, vaginal, intervention-free birth experience. And here's to hoping!

addicted to my own opinion

It's true. Anyone who knows me at all knows that I have opinions. They are usually stark, often not gently delivered. It doesn't make me wrong, nor does it indicate mal intent on my part. I rarely, if ever, intend on hurting someone with what I feel. However, for someone to expect me to keep my opinions to myself, most especially when I view their circumstance as physically, emotionally, spiritually (or otherwise) detrimental, is really too much for me to handle, at least to date. Instead, I most always express my opinion.

I can think of at least 5 friends who can attest to this, more likely every single "friend" I have.

When Mark said that I am "addicted" to my opinion, I definitely took offense. Addiction implies psychological disorder. He stuck to the phrasiology until we hashed it out. Addiction. That particular word comes up a lot. There are a lot of men who have various addictions -- porn and video games are the most obvious, perhaps sports. And these addictions get in the way of healthy relationships with their significant others. We've noticed a trend with the ladies lately, too. They are emotionally addicted to things. I think the rave over the Twilight Saga demonstrates that.

It's fair to say that my opinions are attached to emotional things. A formula to a typical Amanda-esque conversation is, "If you don't want to feel this way, then do this to prevent it..." I don't generally find myself in conversations with men about their addiction to sports, but I do find myself in conversations about relationships ALL THE TIME.

As Mark and I talked about the definition of addiction, we noted that there is a link between addiction and vanity. It's pretty vain for a girl to obsess over a boy, as it is vain for a guy to waste time and energy beating a video game. But they do give us a false sense of satisfaction, however irrelevant that satisfaction may be. If we're not careful, the vanity becomes habitual and further addictive.

So am I addicted to my own opinion? If it can be stated that I am satisfied when my opinion is stated, then, yes, absolutely. I do not, however, state my opinion just to state it. It's actually kind of a reflex, a form of self-preservation. If I can find a solution to whatever your woe may be and I can tell you all about it, then you know where I stand and nobody HAS to get hurt. I find it way more satisfying to see the forest for the trees. Being confident that my Compass will guide me (and you, if you let Him) through it, I am fully willing to take it on (and so should you), chainsaw in hand if necessary (with you roaring alongside me).

However, not everyone wants to be "guided." I have a hard time not finding that slightly dysfunctional, and that is kind of where I stand right now. I am finding that most people just want to be left alone. Some people care to divulge and want opinion, but most don't care for it.

I used to actually think that if we shared opinions, we were on the same page. Unfortunately, I've had to find out the hard way that no matter how devout I may be to an opinion, even a doctrine, there are people who, though they love me, just will not rev up their chainsaws with me.

Not only can I be mad-crazy with a chainsaw, but many have called me a bull in a china shop. I think most would like to say that the decisions they make are for self-preservation, be it physical, emotional or spiritual. So my quest is to understand and respect more fully others' quest for self-preservation. They may perhaps like to go around the forest. Or only use the chainsaw some of the time. Or perhaps they dig a hole underneath. Mark always says that nothing stews in our house. If I see a problem, I always try to resolve it. There are few things we haven't addressed. I prefer the straight and narrow, the logical, the simple, especially when it comes to relationships. But as friend it is becoming more and more real to me that I have got to be empathetic others' path of choice. And not always speaking my mind when I see their path as being not so easy as the one I'm on. The question now is how to quench the burn to express my opinion.

pleased

I actually forgot that I blogged about our switch in maternity care. Sooo...I had my appointment in Fort Smith. Beautiful. Dr. Rainwater actually had 2 cesareans and 2 VBACs in that order. She was unsuccessfully induced for her first and ended up with a cesarean, then elected to have a cesarean with her second. Her third labor happened spontaneously (which in the natural birth world is what we hippies prefer ...since I am such a hippy, right?!), and she had no choice but to deliver vaginally. She loved that she was back at the gym in two weeks (instead of limping around the house for 6...which TOTALLY sucks, BTW). She elected to go into spontaneous labor for her fourth and was again successful with a vaginal delivery. Woot. So I get to find strength in her success, it's quite empowering, my friends, quite empowering.

I have an ultrasound scheduled for Tuesday, so I'll have to remember to update, lol.

In other Noticias de Baby Sandor Numero Dos, we have added someone FABULOUS to our birth team. Her name is Tonia, and she is an OB RN at Washington Regional. She is also working on becoming a doula. Obviously, she has all the credentials and class credit; her issue in becoming fully certified is that it's very difficult for her to attend births that she is not nurse for. ...not crossing legal lines has been tricky. Our birth will be one that she will be able to attend as a doula, since we are not planning on delivering at WRMC.

Our plan as of right now is to head down to Fort Smith as soon as I have signs of labor (these were kind of sketchy 5 hours before active labor started with Abe, so we'll count on the idea that things will roll like they did with him and head down as soon as I suspect contractions at all). We'll labor in a hotel until I am between a 7 and a 10, depending on how I progress. Great news: I was only in active labor for 6 hours before things got bad with Abe, so I could hypothetically have a VERY short labor. We shall see. If the birth happens to move so quickly and I have him in the hotel, I have Mariah (who is a doula of 5 years and an apprentice midwife) AND Tonia there to take care of us. Good stuff. I still have all the stuff we didn't need from my homebirth "delivery package," so we'll just beef it up a bit and be ready to deliver there if that's what happens to happen.

All I can say is that I am so empowered and so inspired. God is good and has given us so much to look forward to -- good prenatal care and the promise of a healthy labor and delivery environment.

switch

We are 27 weeks pregnant today. I can't believe how quickly the looming 3rd trimester is coming upon us. Incredible.

At my last prenatal appointment, I asked the doc a few poignant questions, like "what are the indications that a uteran rupture (this is the "risk" that makes VBAC high risk) is about to occur?" I was also asking him about policies and procedures, so we could be as aware of what to expect as we needed to be. Either he didn't know or he didn't want to break the news to me. He asked me to call the lead OB nurse. So I did. She told me that uteran rupture can be detected by blood in the urine. ...since blood in the abdominal cavity makes its way through the bladder walls? Every person I've talked to who has a clue about human anatomy says that what she calls an "indicator" is definitely not.

So a catheter was one of 5 expected interventions I could expect upon arrival at the hospital. I could also expect an IV (standard) constant external fetal montinoring (also standard), she recommended (though, as with anything they say anyone needs, I could refuse) an epidural, and if they couldn't "keep track" of the baby's heart tones, I'd need an internal fetal monitor (which means breaking my water, if it's not already broken) and inserting a wire into his head.

We decided it'd be best for our family to get our care elsewhere. So, at the recommendation of the co-leader of ICAN (International Cesarean Awareness Network) of NWA, I called up Eastside clinic in Fort Smith and got a hold of Dr. Rainwater who does rounds at St. Edwards. Though I am past the usual date they'd accept transfers, she took me on. And I am so thankful. We have our first prenatal there and the glucose test early Thursday morning.

It still boggles my mind that people are convinced that there has to be so many interruptions in what should be a perfectly natural physiological process. If I am willing to go through labor, shouldn't I allowed to do it the way I want to?