I had the privilege of hearing from a couple of my girls last night. They really do inspire me. One of them spent some time recently with friends who are not on the same track as she is spritually. Not that their end is not the same, but at this point they are interested in pursuing different paths. Too many a time, in their company, she finds herself trying with all her might not to slip onto the 'wrong' side. None of the behavior she has joined in with these friends is so wrong, it's just not so right. She realizes this and is in the process of deciding how to deal with those not-so-wrong relationships.
I feel a commonality with her. My junior & senior year in college I encountered the same dichotomy -- there were really good-hearted people both in the church and friends from school who were making decisions that were not so wrong...and yet were not so right either. They were just in a phase that was not making me a stronger Christian. For example, clubbing (sex with your clothes on), drinking heavily (inhibition leading to unnecessary action), harnessing sex appeal, etc. As much as I wanted to have disdain for them, I wanted to embrace them. As much as I wanted to walk away from them, they didn't see the harm in walking what I saw to be a fine line.
What happened to me was that I wanted so bad to not 'judge.' Harken: Matt 7:1 -- "Judge not that be not judged." There was a desire to be all things to all people, re 1Cor. 9:22. What I found was that I was not not judging, I was compromising. Compromising time and energy. Time and energy that should have been set developing habits that build living faith -- note Daniel's example in chapter 6 of the book bearing his name. I was not then and likely am not now so faithful and of such devout habit so as to blatantly disobey the king and not get eaten when thrown into a den of lions.
At the conclusion of my college years, I found that instead of being a light to others, my character was weakened...and that noted by my friends. Note 1Cor. 10:23 -- All things are lawful for me [I'm on the right side of that line], but not all things are helpful; all things are lawful for me, but not all things edify.
BUT...how do you interact with people who you have come to love and adore who just are not on the same wavelength you are? I think it comes back to the principle of time. There are not enough hours in the day to ever stop building faith through study, prayer and interaction with others who you can share your thoughts with. When you do find time, and we all do, to compromise, in the words of my husband, "Don't be afraid to leave." Leave the room, the conversation, the party, the wedding, the drunken hangout, leave even the thought process. Sometimes it's harder to justify that when you're leaving church friends, but you are more of an example if you say, "I really am not comfortable," than if you stay and end up compromising.
I think it's really vital to stay in touch with people. Maybe I don't hang out in situations I'm not comfortable with, but I can certainly be available when it's a good environment. We may end up running in different circles, but think of how much it will mean to them if I am there for them through it all. Obviously, everyone is there for one another to varying degrees. But to truly be defined as a Philadelphian, we have to practice love. Note Romans 12:9 & 13:10. And I especially love 1Cor. 16:14.
And that's really what it comes down to in my mind -- love people, put your heart into building healthy relationships. Of course, you can't be afraid of disappointment. Who knows where everyone will indeed turn out? But love them. "For the earnest expectation of the creation eagerly waits for the revealing of the sons of God," says Paul in Romans chapter 8, verse 19.
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6 comments:
Amanda, I'm really glad you wrote this post. This is something I've been thinking about and struggling with since I came back to school this year. Some of the girls I've been friends with over the past three years are engaging in certains acts and turning towards certain kinds of lifestyles and they talk about it from time to time at meals. It puts me in a really awkward place and I've been trying to figure out what to do. Should I continue to be friends with them? Should I just limit the amount of time I spend with them? You get the picture. I guess I sort of know the right answer to those questions, but it's still hard to come to full realization. Anyway, thanks.
Very nice.
Something I wanted to add: I've learned that I'm rarely the only person in the room who is uncomfortable or wants out. By speaking up, we may give a voice to others who feel the same way, but don't have the strength to walk away.
A real life example of this is from my last workshop class in grad school. We (for some reason) watched "A Clockwork Orange." I couldn't watch the first thirty minutes. It was too vile. I looked away, did something else... In hindsight, I should have left the room altogether. At any rate, during the next class when we discussed the movie, I blatantly stated what I thought. The movie was garbage and utterly disgusting. Up until that point, everyone had been praising the movie. After I spoke up, others who had been quiet previously began to express that they thought the movie was repulsive as well. Would they have said anything had I not spoken? Most likely not.
Further, going along with what you've said... Standing up to wrong is showing love. If you're throwing a party and someone walks out because they don't feel comfortable, won't you think to yourself, "was something bad going on here?" Our actions may lead others to consider their own.
Anyway, nice thoughts Amanda.
Nicely done, girlie.
aw, girls. :) Good thoughts, Des. I was hoping you'd throw something in. Summa, no worries. Stay solid and keep studying. This year will fly by! What are you guys' plans for this winter? Charlotte?
Vermont Weekend... then I'll be in Florida while everyone's at Charlotte... Sad:(
Ben and I will be splitting our time between SC and TX/LA.
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